he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
