Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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