I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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