talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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