don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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