looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
