a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
