If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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