you traded sex for a burrito?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
