for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
