I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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