no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no you cant smoke seaweed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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