Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
