You're so nebulous sometimes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
