I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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