Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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