I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
