he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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