I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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