he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
