he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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