he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she told me i tasted like america
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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