Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
