I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
