I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
