Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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