I hate all girls vehemently.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
