i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just high enough for therapy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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