college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
