I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
