hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
