I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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