all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
