You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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