The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
