I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
