dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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