I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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