Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
