Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's blow job season.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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