Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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