after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
