I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
