he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
