I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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