I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
