I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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