the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
