I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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