the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Randomize
