Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
