Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
