I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
