I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think brook has ever known best
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
