miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
