a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
