You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
