We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
