Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
